Holistic Beauty ~ from the inside out Part II
Updated: Apr 21, 2020
If you read part I, I felt like expanding on the adolescent part and support and guides on the side.
I've recently had three clients from different ages and parts of the world, entering or already in their adolescence talking about their main concern: their body weight, and how compared to her or that girl in the magazine, they are not beautiful enough.
It probably touched me in a very sweet spot of my own heart - as while they talked I could recognise all these emotions and almost desperate feelings and wishes with an open non judging mind. You see, I had been there myself, I had all those voices and feelings towards foods, sports, my body, other people for years and years, chasing me all around, since I opened my eyes until I went to sleep - with no holidays or labor day to rest. And I felt so ashamed. And because of where and how I lived, in the blessing of my family house, many times when I talked about it I was reminded of the guilt as well - as mine was a body, kitchen, house full of everything - and it was still not enough.
I knew I could trust my mom; and I think my eyes still greet her with gratitude every time we see each other. But it was also so much, so many thoughts, and so repetitive, and such a strong inner judging voice, that sharing some of it was not enough.
I believe these emotions and fears, and not feeling enough - enough beauty in my body, enough at school and with my grades, enough with all the sports that I did, enough as a kid and adolescent- had once again to do with My perception of things, and love. Many kids, even when given all the love and security by their parents, still feel that for their eyes, they are not enough. And they act consequently. With food, with sexual relationships, with nutrition of any sort, with emotions that come shame and guilt and a perception that they are not enough yet.
If you ever find any pattern or story, or belief in your kid as they are growing up, please remember that all they need is to recognize their self love. But as it probably was with you, this may take a long time. Meanwhile, we can use support and guides on the side to make these "uncertain" moments in a little girl or adolescent inclined towards the enlightenment and recognition that they are enough, that they are love, and that they can shift this thoughts or patterns no matter where they are.
For me, it took me to hit rock bottom with eating disorders to get some extra help. Because in all these pressure built inside, and all of these things I had to fill up to fill enough, I also thought I could handle it on my own. That my actions and behaviours where after all not that bad. I didn't binge, and my oscillations with weight would not be that bad, and mainly I was not vomiting or taking laxatives like other friends did, so that must have been a sign that I was on the right path.
Each one of us has our own journey; and the journey will not always be the nicest light. There are shadows and dark moments, or moments of truth, and growing up. But how and with whom we handle them can make a whole lot a difference for coming years, and our bodies, and beauty from the inside out.
If you believe something is going on, even when it can be hurtful or vulnerable to go out for help, try; explore, ask. There are many amazing professionals nowadays that work with so much love, and kindness and compassion that they can with some months work shift an inner perception that may change the whole reality of a little girl.
If I had been my own coach at the time (as I am today) I would have worked on those emotions and feelings with love. With understanding and listening, and promoting talking and communication more than perceiving and assumptions. I would have probably encourage myself to sit down with my two loving parents, and tell both mom and dad, that although they might not realise I didn't feel enough. I As a girl, as a daughter, as a woman, as a spiritual being on a human experience. And that I wanted to change that - that I really wanted to feel enough. And wear my beautiful face, and pimples, and curves, and clothes, and skirts and pants, without feeling shame. That I wanted to enjoy those beautiful nutritious meals and meats, and colors, and gathering without shame. That i thought I wanted to be like everyone else, but really, profoundly what I wanted was just to be myself.
Being reminded, or remembering of how beautiful, amazing, and unique we are - each one of us, may be something we can all work on.
You are Unique.
You are Loved
You are Enough
I hope that if you get to read this article, and somehow you haven't been feeling unique and enough ~ get to see yourself for who you truly are. A miracle of life.
If you need help regarding eating disorders in New Zealand please contact: https://www.ed.org.nz/ or
For Australia you may contact: https://thebutterflyfoundation.org.au/
With so much love and compassion
Your Health Coach