Communication & Relationships, the Pillar of your Joined Structure
Updated: Apr 21, 2020
Communication is probably one of the most important pillar of relationships, and as almost everything it starts with deep, personal work.
It's very difficult to be oneself, honest and true with each other when we are not allowing that space for us first.
To develop our own voice, first we need to learn to listen to ourselves. Some of us do in silence, others in meditation, training, diving under water or contemplating long hours at nature. We each one have our own "off" button and way to get in touch with who we really are and what we want, how we are being with ourselves and talking and how honest this conversation and action plan is.
Once we start practicing this, we can then start to communicate in a more straightforward way with our partners and practice together some basic exercises and skill development to make things easier and choosing more from a place of enough and love, than resentment and fear.
Try this simple steps with your partner:
1. Talk in a safe place about what communication means to each other by asking and deeply listening one at a time: What does communication mean to you?
2. Practice listening with no judgments or interruptions - Just listening to each other
3. Then ask yourselves: What does communication and kindness look like to you?
4. You may write down your answers or have a safe box with your answers about communication and kindness.
5. How can we develop our communication with kindness together? Is it by having a safe word, like "ouch"? when something not kind comes up, is it by being honest about where some reactions or words may come from when we through each other hard words, by understanding that some words may bring up emotions related to past trauma or things we lived as kids?
6. How can we be more honest with each other? Maybe developing this safe place to communicate and talk with kindness, compassion, truth and honesty every week, or my having a safe word, or creating a challenge together of Zero Negativity for 30 days?
Whatever comes up to you both and sounds like a positive inclusion in your daily communication and relationship might sound or feel challenging at the beginning, but soon enough you will notice the results and lessons that you might be learning together, with acceptance instead of accusation, love instead of fear, compassion instead of resentment.
As there is always, each day, a chance to develop our own kindness, and compassion, so there is with the person we sleep, live, eat and enjoy life with. There are "moments" in every couple, and resilience is something we all learn and build up as we are together with someone, but there's also so much space to grow, understand and learn from ourselves - to become more honest with our self talk, before making the other one "the guilty one". Maybe it's your own guilt, or maybe it's an emotion coming up from your childhood when you felt guilty with your parents, or teacher, or other classmate - as soon as we recognize something for what it truly is, we stop putting names and making the story bigger. We can acknowledge (identify the thought or emotion), forgive it (Forgive the thought or emotion or person) and choose again (Choose another thought, feeling or emotion, a positive one, one that lets you feel empowered instead of attacked, one that reminds you of how much you are growing as a soul and person instead on being diminished)
These are exercises that we can practice for life - and as we start, they will go deeper into our recognition and understanding of our true selves. Maybe understanding your own triggers, what makes you react and say things in a certain way, and saying them to your partner with a simple "I am talking from a place or emotion of fear, I will rephrase" and choosing again from a place of love, kindness and knowing that you Are Enough, as you are.
Going within, being honest, feeling safe reminds us of our true Strengths - Being vulnerable and having an open heart are the core of communicating with kindness and compassion. Starting with yourself, and shining your light around.
I hope you get the chance to practice this today - as a coach and friend once told me while celebrating my 30th bday in a wooden cottage by a lake, learning the art of communication is an adventurous journey for all of us, it will take to through the loveliest more healing emotions of them all.
Sending you love, and an opening chakra healing vibe
With compassion and in health,
Your Health Coach